This is the fourth time I’ve started a blog post without a topic.
How about I ask the people around me for the first words they can think of?
Oh, better yet, I’ll say “Quick! If I say tomato what’s the first word that comes to your mind?”
Okay, I’m in my Chemistry class at the moment. I’ll start with the teacher.
My teacher answered Tomauhto
My weird friend says Carrot
My other friend (his first name is Kevin) says Hamburger
My smart friend say Hamburgers (ooh, a plural!)
My idiot friend says Tomato tomato tomato (and refuses to say anything else)
Okay, I’m going to save this as a draft and continue later because Class is almost done.
I’m back. So, now that I have all these words, what can I do with them?
Absolutely Nothing! Why did I even do this!
Alright, I guess I can try to make a story out of them.
Once upon a time there was a tomato. He was very intelligent. He knew many things, like how to pronounce Tomato. But there was a big problem where he lived. All the tomatoes pronounced “Tomato” as “To-Maw-To”!
Tomato always cringed when a tomato pronounced themselves as a “tomawto”. He hated this offense to the world of Grammar! So, he went to his friend, fellow genius Carrot, the Carrot. Carrot the Carrot and Tomato discussed their problems like Gentlemen.
“Well, this predicament is a complex one. If you insist upon the correct pronounciation against the majority, you’ll be seen as a stuck up old timer who is stuck in the past, or overly obsessed by the “proper” way of life. However, if the problem is due to lack of knowlege and not the insistance of social norms, it is a problem that could be fixed with no setbacks to society, and you gain peace of mind.
“I agree. If only there were a way to mass broadcast the message.”
“I believe there is a way. We can go ask the most intelligent being around. The Hamburger.”
“Silly carrot, the Hamburgers are merely a myth.”
“That is not correct Tomato. I have found proof that the great Hamburger lives, up on McDonald Hill.”
“Very well. I guess it would be nicer to walk up McDonald Hill. I shall go with you on this goose chase.”
The Hamburger was a mythical beast. It was said to be one part sesame, one part cow, one part bread, one part tomato, one part lettuce, one part mustard plant, and one part cucumber. As a combination of all these creature’s experiences, it was said to be the most intelligent beast under god. It just so happened that Carrot had found a map that details the location of the mythical beast up on McDonald Hill. Being intelligent enough to realise that what the map suggested was actually quite possible, Carrot had kept it.
Carrot and Tomato walked up McDonald’s greasy upward trail. It was a rather difficult climb, for Carrot and Tomato were intellectuals, not athletic in the least. Also, they waddled as they didn’t have legs.
Suddenly, they spotted something large. It was…The Hamburger!
“Well I’ll be. It’s real!”
“Let’s see if it’s really smarter than us!” The two walked up to the hamburger.
“Mr.Hamburger, sir, can you answer my question?”
“If your question is one of fish, milks, cucumbers, or breads, than I can. But you are a tomato and carrot. I am a Hamburger made of fish, A Filet of Fish to be exact.”
“You don’t have any tomatoes in you?”
“No. You must find a hamburger that contains tomatoes. He or she could answer you questions.”
“There are more Hamburgers? How many?”
“Depends on the day of the week.”
With this the Hamburger made of fish walked away. Carrot and Tomato walked around McDonald Hill until they saw an enormous bunch of Hamburgers. Tomato was excited to see that some of them had a slice of tomato in them (though the sight did make him slightly nauseous)
“Excuse me great Hamburger,” said Tomato, “But could you help solve a problem that plagues tomatoes everywhere?”
The two explained to the hamburger who listened politely. When they were finished he thought for a moment.
“I have experience in the matter,” he said, “The problem lies in caterpillars.”
“Indeed. They eat the leaves that bring absorb the nutrients that bolster the thinking of a tomato.”
“So the problem isn’t a social norm, but a medical one?”
“Maybe yes, maybe no. You see, the worms have been affecting the tomatoes for so long that it may be that, even if you were to correct this problem, society may still never revert back to their old ways. The best you could hope for is that they decide to correct themselves,” the hamburger said. He gave Tomato and Carrot a pesticide spray and told them to spray the town with them to clear the caterpillars.
“As I have said, it may not help, but give it a try.”
And so Tomato and Carrot went back home and sprayed the town. Then they waited. Soon many people remembered who they were. They remembered, they were tomatoes, not tomawtoes. Some decided to pronounce Tomato correctly from now on, but many decided to still call themselves tomawtoes. Tomato was not happy to hear of this decision, but he accepted it. He was satisfied.
Well, that ends this improvised post. Goodbye and thanks for all the squid.