It was a dark and stormy mars that attacked the light and sunny Venus. Earth was next.
The sun sent out a warning to Earth to prepare itself. A planetrary war, as in two planets fist fighting, was about to commence.
“Get your naked apes ready for war,” the message said.
When Mars attacked Earth, it was already prepared. Thousands of satellites shot Freaking laser beams at the dark and stormy earth. But Mars was immune to these laser beams because it ate its vegetables growing up like a good lad.
“Why are you doing this?” Earth said as its naked apes prepared to fire the super bombs.
“You did this to me,” Mars said. “You and your rabid diseases.”
“Rabid disease?” Earth said. “I have no disease. I got my shots like a good boy.”
“But you see,” Mars said, “You may be immune to its symptoms, but I, and Venuse, were not. We both got the Robots from you.”
“Robots? *gasp* You mean voyager 1 and Voyager Ven1 launched in 2017?” said Earth.
“Also your satellites! That’s why I’m super immune to your laser beams. Now, thanks to your robot disease, I have constant storms. I killed Venus as a mercy kill! I am rabid as all hell and eat all of you!” Mars said.
“Damn,” Earth said. “The voyager 1 must have moved around so many rocks that it caused a butterfly effect and created massive storms within Mars’s atmosphere…even though it has no atmosphere…weird.”
Mars Approached menacingly, cracking its knuckles and baring its stormy fangs. Yes, it has those. Earth backed away from Mars as fast as its orbit around the sun could take it.
“Gonna Kill you before you infect anyone else! Then I’ll infect everyone else,” Mars said.
“That’s vile! And also pointless,” said Earth.
“The point is you’ll be dead,” said Mars. It lunged.
Suddenly, the hairless apes launched all of their superbombs into space. Mars took them all to the mouth, where they exploded. Mars was stunned and weak.
“I’m sorry, Earth said. With one punch Mars was obliterated, turned into tiny moons. “I really am.”
Saddened by its loss of two great friends, Earth turned to its inhabitants. “Thanks for launching those bombs. You’ve defended me well.”
“Defended you?” the people said. “We were just testing out our destructive test bombs on the uninhabited planet.”
“Wait, you guys had a bunch of those just lying around?”
“And you thought that Mars would be a good place to test them. You didn’t know he was a rabid psycho, you just wanted to test the bombs,” Earth said.
“It’s uninhabited, isn’t it?”
“Why did you make those? And for that matter why did you make all of those voyager probes?” Earth said. “To cure disease, maybe?”
“Nope. We did it because it was cool!”
Several years later Earth decided to drift just a little further away from the sun for a few years. When it came back it was now cured and clean of its disease. Most of the disease retreated to warm volcanoes or lived at the bottom of the ocean harmlessly. The epidemic was over.