This story is stupid. Read it if you’re okay with stupid logic and just-for-fun stuff. It’s kind of silver age only not really. It was fun to write, though. It’s pretty boring for a strange premise, though.
Jeff the construction worker trained his arms all of the time. He also trained his back, his abdomen, his chest and his shoulders. He and his friends jogged in the gym for half an hour every other morning but only Jeff and his little brother Klem kept up their muscle training. They were both very strong for 50 year old men.
One day Klem suggested to Jeff that they try to exercise facial muscles that nobody ever exercises because it was possible that they could have healthier looking faces and find women. Jeff, who was married for twenty years and had a fifteen year old son, wasn’t convinced that they needed this but he understood that Klem, who was a bachelor at 48 years old, was becoming desperate. He believed that participating in this strange exercise would encourage Klem and there was no real reason not to do so.
Jeff believed that since he was mostly covered in cement powder on workdays there was no real reason not to twitch some facial muscles. No one would be watching anyway. Klem agreed to train a facial muscle but didn’t tell Jeff which it was going to be.
Jeff got up one night. He left the bed, not worrying about waking up his sleeping wife, who could out sleep a hibernating bear. After working at the construction site each night Jeff would drink huge amounts of fluid, but perhaps he overdid it this night. He went into the washroom. When he was finished with his business he looked into the mirror. It was weird to say but Jeff believed his forehead was a little too thin. The round shape of his bald head was perfectly empathized by his large but rounded forehead.
He decided then that he would try to bulk up his forehead muscles. Perhaps squaring out his muscles would improve his face, make it a little sexier. Note that all of this was decided late at night by a sleep deprived man.
When he woke up, Jeff was a lot more sane. He abandoned the idea immediately and left for work. However, he found himself grunting and manipulating his face as he pulled up bags of cement powder and emptying its contents. If he was going to grunt and contort his face anyway, he might as well focus which muscles he was contorting. He began moving his brows up and down, and no other muscles.
Over the days, Jeff noticed that his face was becoming a little less tense in some areas. Only his forehead felt any tension at all but the rest of his face and even his throat was more relaxed. Focusing tension on only his forehead was helping him relax. He continued his regiment.
Klem didn’t seem to be changing, on the other hand. When Jeff and him met on the fourth week of their “special training: Klem immediately guessed that Jeff was training his forehead muscles.
“How did you know?” Jeff said to Klem as they began jogging.
“Your forehead is a bit bulkier. It evens out your face, I like it,” said Klem.
“Well, which muscle are you training?” Jeff asked.
“Nope. I’m not telling you yet,” said Klem. He didn’t talk about the training at all for weeks. Jeff noticed that his life was improving. It was true that his more muscular forehead was making his face more attractive. It balanced out the roundness of his bald head. His wife said she found it sexier and his son didn’t notice and gave him no trouble for it.
But the true benefits would become evident one Friday night when Jeff and Klem and some friends were drinking at a pub near the construction zone. They were doing the usual: drinking, making fun of their boss, Klem was hitting on women (he looked pretty young for his age and could get away with it).
Klem must have hit on the wrong girl because a man started shouting. Jeff could tell that the man was drunk and dangerous. He ran to Klem’s side but couldn’t make it before the man struck Klem down.
Incensed, Jeff dove up to the man gave him a blow to the head. Being a weight lifting construction worker made Jeff someone who you did not want to punched by. However, what many people did not know was that unless you trained your techniques muscle mass does not guarantee a powerful punch. If you don’t know how to manipulate your muscles forward in a punch they only weigh you down.
Jeff was not a fighter and the man was as muscular as he was. The man stood back up and retrieved his knife. The man was quick and aimed straight for Jeff’s forehead.
The knife cut only skin deep into Jeff’s forehead and snapped in half, not able to penetrate Jeff’s amazingly refined forehead muscle. Jeff and the thug man both stared incredulously at the knife stump for a second. Then the man chucked the knife at Jeff and ran for the door. The knife stump bounced harmlessly off of Jeff’s jacket.
“Come at me again! This time I’m ready for you!” Klem said.
The man was stopped by Klem who was standing upright, recovered from the blow. The man punched at Klem’s face again. Jeff didn’t see what happened but it was not Klem who screamed in pain. The man clutched his fist, one of the fingers seemed broken. Klem then kicked him in the nuts and the man fell.
Jeff and Klem walked out of the bar while their friends called for the cops. They promised to not reveal who Jeff and Klem were if the cops wanted to know who broke the man’s finger. Hopefully the man didn’t notice that they had been their friends at all.
Jeff looked at Klem. “My forehead just broke a man’s knife!” he said.
“I know! I saw!” Klem said.
Jeff looked at Klem. He then asked, “Alright, buddy! What exactly did you train?”
Klem smiled and stuck his tongue out at Jeff. Jeff looked confused. Then it dawned at him. “Your tongue? Are you serious?”
“Throngeth muthle in the bothy, baby!” Klem said. He manipulated his tongue in a disgusting but impressive display of speed and flexibility.
“Cut it out, Klem,” Jeff said. “You didn’t have clean thoughts when you picked the tongue, did you?”
“Ha ha, nope!” Klem said.
Jeff and Klem discussed calling the guiness world record company on this. Maybe even Ripley’s believe it or not. They didn’t know what records they were breaking but they were bound to be news. They didn’t know that fate had a different kind of life in store for them rather than freak show celebrities. They would become The Super Duo!