Slayer of Steven Seagals

I will write and draw a comic where a swordsman fights and defeats fifteen Steven Seagals.

First he fights Buff Big Sword Steven Seagal, which will be easy and introduce the swordsman’s prowess and simultaneously allowing the audience to sample what they’re gonna get from this comic; mainly Steven Seagal getting his ass kicked.

Then he fights a Stealthy Sniper Steven Seagal. The cold calculating Steven Seagal will contrast nicely with the fiery, boasting Swordsman Steven Seagal from before and introduce the concept of different flavors of Seagal ass kicks.

Then he shall have to fight a magical Steven Seagal. This will allow the audience to witness the true intimidation of the Steven Seagal threat that the protagonist is facing.

As the protagonist’s journey towards the Ultimate Tower of Seagal, which in lies the Ultimate Warlock Demon Mummified Vampire Emperor Steven Seagal who spreads evil throughout all the land, he must face more and more Steven Seagals, each Steven Seagal more difficult to defeat than the last. Each less infuriating than the next. The protagonist is challenged to the brink of his power, in which he must look deep inside himself to find the confidence to face each new Steven Seagal.

When he finally finds the UTW which holds UWDMVESS, he must use all that he knows to venture up the tower, face down with the final Steven Seagal. This Steven Seagal shall have all of the powers of a classic Steven Seagal; immortality, bullet dodging, shrugging off blows no matter how powerful each one should be, among many many others. But deep down the Protagonist shall find it in him to attack Steven Seagal’s one true weakness: beneath his front of power, toughness and invincibility, Steven Seagal is a fragile man, making poor decisions. Slowly Ultimate Warlock Demon Mummified Vampire Steven Seagal starts losing character-I mean control and begins stumbling, becoming more predictable, and less articulate. He begins lashing out, becoming unfocused, and soon the protagonist is able to skewer the last Steven Seagal with his sword!

UWDMVESS falls. His eyebrows furrow for the last time as his eyes grow dark and still. The swordsman sighs, and in that sigh will be laughter, relief, and prayer for this earth. The last of the Steven Seagals have left this cold world, making it just a little colder.

Then the last few pages will be a miniature encyclopedia of Steven Seagal facts. A list of his films. Extensive and thorough information about his cliches. An Appendix so the reader can find where in the story they can read Steven Seagal quotes.

The world will thank me for the creation of this amazing story. I myself am slightly more attracted to myself just for coming up with this fabulous idea. All is well.

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