Please Think of me as Bad

I have a fear of becoming a “nice guy.” Like, one of those people who expect the world to treat them special because they’re “always so nice.”

Whenever I’m out on a date or with new friends I always avoid saying things that seem suspiciously nice, like “We should give that homeless man the change he needs” or something. In a better world this would be seen as basic human decency, but in our society I’m to afraid of doing it in front of my pals. I’ll still do it, but I’ll usually say something like “I’ll feel guilty if I don’t.”

When I tip someone I’ll do it when my date isn’t looking. When I talk about my extreme environmental politics, I’ll emphasize the money I’ll be saving.

“I want a sawdust toilet because I’ll save money on water!”

“I collect rain water to save money! I want solar panels to save money! I want an economically friendly car to save money! Money! Money! MONEY!”

It’s become my go-to excuse. Maybe it comes from years of justifying my actions to my conservative Chinese parents.

My biggest nightmare is that someone will accuse me of pretending to be a good person when I’m really not.

…no. No, that’s not my biggest fear. My biggest fear is that they’re right.


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