Paul Blart would, thoroughly by accident, absolutely destroy Hannibal Lecter in a fight

Paul Blart would accidentally pepper spray himself in the face some time before Hannibal tries to chomp down on him and then thoroughly regret it.

And then Paul would fall on Hannibal, crushing him instantly

Hannibal’s attempts to get in Paul’s head, to leverage the mental weaknesses of Paul Blart, quickly fall flat as there is simply no way to comprehend the being that is Blart. There is simply nowhere to grasp to cling to a smooth brain like Blart’s.

The utter confusion almost breaks Hannibal’s mind as thoroughly as Paul Blart’s segway breaks Hannibal’s bones.